Hey Now, Hey Now...Don't Dream It's Over...

My family and I moved to the DC Metro Area over Thanksgiving. It's been real.

BUGS

Dear God,

There are a lot of freakin bugs here. I neither understand nor need to understand their purpose, but please cut it out.

We have synthesized ways to kill bugs through traps, aerosol cans, sprays, and other treatments. How about just get rid of them?

Thanks.


Your fan,
Thomas

Donuts

Look, we don't have Dunkin Donuts here and while we almost did recently, that folded and now I just need to accept that I'll never get it back.

But, there's always a but.

Kwik Trip's (a gas station) Glazers Donuts are AMAZING. You can get 6 glazed or 6 glazed with chocolate drizzle for $2.99. And while the Double-Ds glazed donut will always be closest to my heart, I'm finding satisfaction in being able to go to a 24-hour gas stations to pick up donuts. I think I've written before that gas station food is unsung; this is just more of me telling you that there is no shame in grabbing a quick bit at a Kwik Trip, Holiday, BP, etc.

Verizon FiOS

This isn't specific to the Midwest but, Verizon, if you're listening...I want you. I want you to be in Woodbury, MN and I want you to do it before my Comcast contract expires.

I need you like ham needs eggs.
I need you like donuts need glaze.
I need you like coke needs real sugar.
I just need you now.

Walleye

Minnesota is a big fishing state. They don't call it the land of 10,000 lakes for nothing. In fact, 10,000 is an undershot; there are more like 10,000,000 lakes in Minnesota (hyperbole).

Coming from New England, being Asian, and fancying myself a moderate-foodie, I love eating fish. Atlantic salmon, cod, trout, bass, haddock, skate...I LOVE fish. But since moving to Minnesota, I've fallen in love with a new fish - especially during lent where you can find a Fish Fry almost anywhere.

Walleye.

Walleye is a wonderful wonderful thing. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I'm writing this at 9:02 AM because I want walleye STAT. And my dog woke me up to take him out to pee. But if he was a walleye...I wouldn't be writing right now.

From this:

To this:

Fleet Farm

I'm not a handy man. Never have been and could quite possibly never be. But there is something innate that makes me enjoy places like Fleet Farm and Menards. Strolling around and looking at farm and outdoor equipment, requisite household hardware and supplies and candy - all at blockbuster prices, keeps me occupied for hours. 

It's not like Home Depot or Lowe's. Nay, these two establishments are delightful. Fleet Farm, for instance, has a whole section of wholesale candy and legumes. If I ever were to sport Wrangler or Lee jeans, you'll know where I got them. Carhartt boots? Same place (maybe Marshalls...whenever my Lugz give way). Want a place to buy a dog crate, peach gummies, and a gun rack? Check out Fleet Farm and make sure you visit the clearance racks for great novelty t-shirts.

You Win Some Then You Dim Sum

Dim Sum is the pride of the Cantonese. Literally, it means, "touch of the heart," because that's how much it means to my ancestors and their descendants. The food is always prepared fresh and the small dishes are typically steamed hand-made dumplings or buns or other wonderful things. You enjoy these small dishes while having bottomless tea (your choices of tea, mind you) while enjoying your company. Dim Sum is commonly a weekend brunch and is a fantastic time to chit chat with friends and family.

I grew up having Dim Sum on average of once a week. It's quite literally in my blood.

Kristin and I went to Thom Pham's Wondrous Azian Kitchen today in Minneapolis to try their highly-touted dim sum brunch. This was spurned by a livingsocial coupon that gave us $30 off for $15.

I'm just going to approach this with one-offs.

1. I don't know what it is about non-Chinese people serving dim sum. Not being able to order in Chinese just feels weird. It'd be like ordering McDonald's in any language other than English.

2. They had push carts. Only redeeming value.

3. Tea was not included. This takes away half of dim sum. Maybe even 55%.

4. 20% gratuity was included regardless of the size of party. Of all the times I had dim sum in Boston, New York, and San Francisco (remember, their is no tipping in most other countries that would serve dim sum) and I don't think I've ever even tipped 15%.

5. NO FREAKING INCLUDED TEA?!?!?!?!? I could order Jasmine tea if I wanted. Somewhere in Quincy, MA, my father is shaking his head.

6. Dishes were $4, $5, and $5.75. WHAT?!?! (Dim Sum is typically $2.50, $3.50, and $4.50...and that's pricey)

7. MOST, not all, I'll confess, offerings were frozen or at least steamed/cooked in a way that was just low-grade. Dumplings often had two wrappers - that's like serving a burger with two buns.

8. The "churng-fun" (long rice noodle w/shrimp or beef) was way too thick and didn't contain the rudimentary cilantro. I didn't know what I was tasting.

9. The steamed buns were definitely frozen. We tried their "cha-siu bao" and custard bao. The bao to filling ratio was probably 10:1. Again, I didn't know what I was tasting.

10. No Chinese mustard on the table.

11. Tea was not included.

12. The waitstaff was nice and polite. I can't imagine attempting to explain perhaps the most beloved Cantonese cuisine to Cantonese people if you're not Cantonese and don't speak Cantonese. They were professional and smiley.

13. We waited 40 minutes for a table.

14. The braised beef balls were pretty good. Filled with cilantro and served over watercress. This I did enjoy.

15. The "hai-keem" (crab-claw) wasn't bad. Again, the proportion of batter to meat was 10:1, but it wasn't too bad.

16. The "law-bak-go" (white turnip cake) wasn't bad but was missing the requisite fillings (pork, chive, and dried shrimp). They didn't serve it with hoisin on the side either.

17. "Guylan" (Chinese broccoli) was $5 for what looked like 8 strands or maybe half a pound. 1 pound of Chinese broccoli at a grocery store is $1.

18. Tea was not included.

--

Here's where I'm gonna try to look on the bright-side.

Most people around here do not know Dim Sum or moreover, good Dim Sum. And that's fine. The experience is not necessarily lost on the population and is still, in most likelihood, an enjoyable meal. While it's not as tasty as what I know Dim Sum should be, if someone didn't know otherwise, it's still nice. I'd imagine someone who's never had a fine Memphis BBQ, would find Chili's baby back ribs to be pretty good.

I like the gyro and souvlaki at Opa!, a Greek food court restaurant at the Mall of America. I'm sure any real Greek would say it's crap. Maybe not. I think it's pretty good.

I assume the founder of Wondrous Azian Kitchen isn't targeting the Chinese or even Asian-American community; he's targeting the less-thrifty non-Asian-American community. I can't hate on him for that. Business is business.

Star Land & Amesbury Sports Park

This isn't so much a post about a difference from Massachusetts and Minnesota as I haven't even looked to see if these exist here, but I just wanted to write about how much I miss Star Land in Hanover and Amesbury Sports Park in Amesbury.

If you live in the South Shore, do yourself a favor and just go to Star Land. While you may contract a VD from just being on the premises, you're not gonna get the same bang for the buck anywhere else. Actually, I don't even know if this place is still open. I remember going there for the 8PM $2 (or $3?) round of mini-golf. Skee-ball. Bumber Boats if you went in the day time. This place was boss.

In the North Shore, you'll find OGO at the Amesbury Sports Park. What's OGO?

"The Outdoor Gravity Orb is an 11 foot transparent inflated sphere with a 6 ft suspended smaller sphere inside with a 2 ft air cushion around it."

I don't have to say anything else. Just GO. 

Sleet

Sleet sucks. Taking your dog out for to wizzle when it is sleeting sucks. It feels like slushie everywhere. Which, you would say, sounds pretty awesome, but it's not.

What's Pho Dinner? Hand Rolls and Pea Pods!

One huge fear I had in moving to Minnesota was the dearth of authentic asian cuisine. Coming from Boston and being raised by good Cantonese parents, I had ample exposure to the best southern Chinese cuisine while experiencing the vast culinary diversities Beantown had to offer.

I wish to give props to:
• Hei La Moon for dim sum
• Peach Farm for best all around Chinese
• East Ocean City for the best Cantonese seafood
• Cafe Mami for the best home-cooking Japanese
• Minado's for the best Japanese value
• Oishii for the best sushi
• Smile Thai for the best Thai
• Pad Thai Cafe for the best Thai runner-up
• Le's for the best Vietnamese

I am happy to say I believe I have found great asian food in the twin cities.

Let's start with Vietnamese. I've noticed in the Twin Cities there is a great abundance of Vietnamese people and food - and I believe I've found the best eats.

1. Quang's in Minneapolis. Excellent all-around Vietnamese food at the right prices. Usually busy on the weekends but worth it. Only problem for me is that I live in Woodbury which is like eastern St. Paul. Which is far.

2. Trieu Chau on University Ave. This place has the best pho broth I've ever had in my life. They claim no MSG and that nutmeg is the secret ingredient. It could be crack cocaine for all I care because I dine there probably once a week. Great sandwiches if you get there in time too.

For Chinese, Peking Garden in Midway is the most authentic I have. My in-laws eat there often and it is no joke. A great chef who makes outstanding Cantonese dishes. Not the cheapest meal you'll eat (attention people who have never had authentic Chinese food...it's not that cheap and it's never a buffet!), but you'll get what you pay for. Honorable mention (and this still surprises me) goes to Pagoda in Dinkytown. They weren't any good in the past but with new fresh from Hong Kong chefs in the kitchen, things got A LOT better. Haven't tried their dim sum yet but I've enjoyed the past three dinners I've eaten there.

For Thai, this is a hike, but Sawatdee in Maple Grove, is excellent. Their curry is homemade and it's the business. Worth the journey. I can't say the same for the Sawatdee in St. Paul.

For Japanese, and I owe this to the Shimotsus who introduced Kristin and myself to it last Sunday, hands down my vote goes to Sakura in Downtown St. Paul. Holy moly, this place is legit. The fish was fresh and the creations were exquisite. Scallop Sashimi with a lemon wedge? YES PLEASE.

Special thanks go to the Paudels who took Kristin and me to Everest on Grand to experience Nepali food. A wonderful cuisine filled with curries, spices, lamb, yak, and more household meats like chicken and beef. Excellent!

It was important for me to write this. I've learned now in 1.5 years living here that while the majority of the cuisine available is of the American variety (which is fine by me) there is diversity in the culinary offerings. I will still tip my hat to Minnesota for some of the best steak and burgers I've ever had in my life.

I'll write more - I promise.

2011

I'm going to start blogging more.  Not because I have anything worthwhile to write or for you to read, but because this is 'merica and I'm gonna MF blog.

Random Observances

• They call fried dough funnel cake here.
• Rotaries (which I think may be a Massachusetts exclusive) are called Roundabouts.
• Communities often share the same street name and vary only the street type (e.g. Eagle Valley Street, Eagle Valley Court, Eagle Valley Lane, etc.).
• For the Land of 10,000 Lakes (in which there are plenty more than just 10,000), they charge more than you'd think for fish both for grocery or at a restaurant.
• Everyone has a dog.  Most have two.
• I may be crazy on this one, but gas stations are more awesome here.  And by gas stations, I mean the convenience store attached to the gas station.  Excellent selections.  Gourmet-to-go.
• I also may be crazy on this one, but DirecTV and DISH seem to be as popular as Comcast here.  I didn't think this was the case back in Boston.
• A surprising amount of Twins fans leave the game in the 8th if the home team is down 2 runs.
• I found plenty of (free) street parking 10 minutes from Target Field 30 minutes before a game.  WHAT?!?!
• Everyone jokes about how there are two seasons in Minnesota: Winter and Road Construction.  It's not funny.  It's a serious problem.  As a tax-paying citizen, I demand better management with more accountability.  EVERY major highway should not be single lane in the summer nor should popular exits.  Cut the crap, Minnesota.
• Bratwurst, which is just wonderful, is infinitely more popular than hot dogs here.  I still love hot dogs.
• I may have mentioned this previously but Super Target is super.
• Dry cleaning is more expensive here and the few chains don't have that convenient drop-off bag tied to an account a la Dependable Cleaners.  I miss that.
• I don't know much about building a house.  I'm kind of alone in that ignorance out here.
• Most homes have fireplaces - fireplaces that work and are used.
• Irony: People don't honk their car horns as often as Massholes do even though they have more reason to out here.
• Gyms are more expensive here than you'd think.
• Wild turkeys are everywhere.
• Country music is a BFD here.  As it should be.
• People get up early here.
• Even earlier on Sundays.
• And they love it.

Tornados & Hail

I don't remember tornado warnings and/or tornado watches back in New England.

Well, they have them here and they are big freaking deal.  Within minutes, the sky becomes clash of the titans and you feel like you're in Karate Kid II in that scene when Kumiko and Daniel-san have their tea ceremony thing.  Just crazy.

Hail is another bullshit thing that happens out here often.  And when it hails, and you're on the road, you try to get under a bridge or something to prevent damage to your car.  No thank you.

Things That Are Missing Here

1. Dunkin Donuts.
Let me tell you all something who live in areas with Dunkin Donuts.  NO ONE ELSE MAKES YOUR COFFEE AND NO ONE MAKES IT FASTER LIKE THE DOUBLE-Ds.

2. Fried Clams.
People here don't even know the joys of fried clams, scallops, and whatever else with some fries and a lemonade whilst lounging at a beach.

3. Roast Beef.
I have seen more cows in my time here in the Midwest than ever in my life and yet I've yet to find a good mom and pop Roast Beef joint.  I'm talking roast beef, onion roll, a little mustard, a little mayo.  Done.  Delicious.  (Note, I didn't even bother mentioning Arby's which are seemingly everywhere.)

4. Steak & Cheese Subs.
They don't exist here.  Actually, the whole mom and pop sub shop doesn't even really exist.  That I know of.

5. Afghani Food.
Okay.  Even in MA, there's pretty much only Helmand's in Cambridge, but I am due for some lamb chops.

6. A Chinatown.
While I did once say after moving here, "...all I want is a Super Target in Woodbury...," and it is now happening, what I really meant to say was, "...all I want is a real Chinatown with some real noodle soups, dim sum, and some delicious steamed buns."

7. Café Mami (Porter Exchange, Cambridge).
Once you've had it, and you can't get it, nothing matters.

8. Beaches.
Complete with sand and ocean.  And Smirnoff Ice.

9. Superman: Ride of Steel (Six Flags New England).
I know there's some good and great amusement parks in a 200 mile radius or so (which isn't bad out here), but, man, do I miss the Ride of Steel.

10. Anna's Taqueria.
I'm still exploring and have some places to check out for some comidas autentico, but I do miss Anna's.  For that matter, I miss Tacos Lupita in Somerville.

In conclusion, I miss food.  And the beach.

I Love Wisconsin

Thomas, I have a feeling we're not in Massachusetts anymore...

Adoption

It's not that there aren't ethnically Asian or African people around these parts.  There are even some with ethnically Asian or African parents.  But what you see a lot of are White Americans adopting little African or Asian kids.

This is not a bad thing.

Maybe it's because Sandra Bullock won Best Actress for The Blind Side, but you have to wonder if there is an overcompensation of one's "whiteness" here.

Again, not a bad thing.

In fact, the wife and I are thinking of adopting a little white kid ourselves.  The United Colors of Benetton may have been on to something after all.

Land

People out here love their land.  And I mean that two ways:

1) They love America.
2) They love owning land and doing stuff with it.

Maybe there's just a shortage of actual land real estate back in the East and there's plenty of it out here in the Midwest, but people want acres and acres of land.  This could be for farming purposes, grazing purposes, hunting purposes, etc.  This sentiment may be more applicable for Wisconsinites than Minnesotans (whom Wisconsinites feel take their land and water for granted) but it's only been 6 months or so since I've moved out here and I've got the bug.  I want some land.  I, however, would use the land for a number of alternative reasons; here are my top ten:

1) Build a shopping mall.
2) Build batting cages and outdoor bowling alleys.
3) Personal movie theatre with stadium seating.
4) Obstacle Course.
5) An extended deck complete with hot tub, fire pit, and koi pond.
6) A movie set for Hollywood to use for any movie scenes involving the good land.
7) A rehearsal studio complex for local bands as that would be a money making machine...with coin-operated washers and dryers.
8) Maybe even just an enormous coin-operated laundromat...though, people out here mostly do their laundry at home so this would be a stupid idea.
9) Six Flags Twin Cities.
10) Ice Luge.

I should also mention that in addition to having land, people love trucks.  And, likewise, I now, too, want a truck.  I mean, my CR-V was a small SUV to being with...out here, I feel like I drive a coupe.

Target

Target is a big deal.

It is such a big deal that I think about going there all the time.  Housewares, college dorm-room style furniture, Mossimo, Champion, and surprisingly well-fitted Tees...Target has everything.  Greeting cards, toiletries, puzzles, and so much more at such reasonable prices.

I love Super Target.  Super Target sells groceries making it the greatest one-stop shop location ever.  Where else can you get Nabisco treats, bar soap, pillow cases, shovels, an ottoman, and underpants?

And for those of you who don't know, Target's headquarters are here in great Minnesota.

Until Best Buy, another Minnesota-based company, starts selling legitimate groceries (and not the candies and treats they tempt you with at checkout), Target will be the place to beat.

Walmart is pretty good too.

Everywhere is Far

Tonight, my wife and I drove nearly an hour north to meet up with friends for a beverage.  An hour.  That's about an hour there and an hour back.

In that time back East, I could've gone to Manchester or Providence. Those are in two different states.

Driving

Not unlike many other states (or all states?), my Massachusetts license was no good here and I had to take the Minnesota Written Test to get my Minnesota driver's license.  Of the maximum I was allowed to get wrong, I got the maximum.  I got eight wrong out of forty questions.  Two of my favorites (not verbatim)...

• When your high beams are on and a car is approaching on the other side, you should turn off your high beams at:
   a) 50 feet
   b) 100 feet
   c) 500 feet
   d) 1500 feet
My answer?  I don't even remember.  Who has such amazing depth perception from their driver's seat under conditions where high beams would be required?!?!

• Under normal driving conditions, how far should you be behind the car in front of you?
   a) 2 seconds
   b) 3 seconds
   c) 4 seconds
   d) 5 seconds
My answer?  Overturned hands, jaw-drop, look around the room like someone stepped on my toe.

Now about the driving...

PEOPLE DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT.  I have found that when I'm on I94W, driving into the cities, when it says Speed Limit: 65mph, that means people are going to drive 65mph.  This rule-following causes traffic, delays, accidents, and any other possible traffic disappointment possible.  Cab drivers talk on their cell phones and swerve lanes (I don't know that they speak English, either) and there no shortage of cars that should not be on the road.

Here's a difference between Massachusetts and Minnesota...

In MA, you need to have your car inspected annually ($29) to make sure it is fit to be on the road.  This is to prevent having cars on the road that could cause an accident.  In MN, you pay an annual fee for updated stickers to be placed on your license place.  I have no idea what these stickers do, but if I'm paying MN for them, they must do something.  It's like 1-3 horsepower more for my vehicle.

Yes, there are more trucks, American-made vehicles, and cars over 3 colors on the road.

Another observation...I may live close to the MN/WI border, but I certainly see my Green Bay Packers stickers or decals than Vikings ones on cars.  WTF?

To close, I feel I need to mention how incredibly confusing a few highways are in Minnesota.


View Larger Map

94 is what goes from East to West through the Twin Cities.  This makes a lot of sense.  If you look carefully, there is 694 and 494 which form a circle around 94 north and south respectively.  Both of these highways can go N, W, S, or E.  You can be on 694N and 694W at the same time...but it's important to know where the hell you are for it to make any sense.  There is also the beauty of 35.  There are two 35s.  The run along the Mississippi River and indicate where it is relative to the river thus making them 35E or 35W.  But both 35E and 35W can run north and south.  So, if you ever visit, do not be alarmed when you hear, "go on 35E North or 35W South.  Messed up.